Suzanne finally answers “So…what have you been doing the last 10 months?”

Wow!  Has it really been 272 276 277 279 280 282 285 315 days since Kinsey and the Rolling Stones was published on November 24 – 2012!   Sadly, the answer is yes, and as you can see by the various strike-throughs, I still can’t get something written and published in a timely manner!

If you’d like a side of irony, I actually wrote: “I promise to start writing more on Kinsey’s Texas Tales. It’s like getting back on the horse right?” in the aforementioned November post.  And that was only after a writing absence of two months. Oy!

I know some of you think Texas is a black hole and it swallowed us up, but that really isn’t the case.  I have no good excuse for why I haven’t been pounding on the keyboard the last 10 months, but I can give you five bad ones.  Here goes:

1) I got a job!  OK, it’s only a part-time job, but in order to do “said job” I have to stare at a computer screen for four straight hours, five days a week, and it killed my enthusiasm for further screen time.

So…what is this blog killing job of which you speak?  Well…., let’s pretend that after much ballyhoo from the local media, you decide to celebrate your anniversary at that “fabulous” new restaurant that recently opened up downtown.  Except, instead of fabulous you experienced this:

After waiting 25 minutes beyond your appointed reservation time you are finally seated, not by the window as you requested, but by the serving station, next to the kitchen door.

“Happy Anniversary sweetheart” you mutter over the din of a shrieking sous chef and the clattering of unwashed dishes.

You would have happily clinked glasses, but your waiter has yet to appear, and the busboy just poured ice cold water all over your crotch making you look like a candidate for a Depends ad.  Instead of an apology he merely shrugs and says. “Oops, my bad!”

Once your shockingly overpriced glass of wine finally appears and you begin to take the first bite of your appetizer, the waiter unceremoniously slams down your entree and begins to slink away.  You start to sputter, “Wait!  I’m not ready for the main course yet.” but all you can see is his retreating backside as he heads into the kitchen shouting “I’m taking a pee break people!” For a moment there is a brief and perfect silence, until the kitchen door opens with a thundering crack.

There is nothing left to do but try and enjoy your meal.  However, as your knife and fork hover over your requested medium rare steak, you realize that it is neither “medium” nor “rare” but looks like it has been pulled from a crematorium.

And those delicately sautéed vegetables the missing waiter waxed poetic about?  They look and taste like the line-cook doused them in lighter fluid and then waved a match over them.  This is al dente?

This is the last straw.  Your typically unflappable spouse throws his napkin down in disgust, and starts scanning the room for the manager.  Once located, he stalks his quarry like a lion who hasn’t eaten in weeks.  His discourse begins calmly, but within 15 seconds he starts pointing and gesticulating and his face begins to turn a rather unhealthy shade of red.

The manager is unmoved by your plight.  With a wait time of over an hour, hungry patrons are spilling forth from the bar and eager to fill your table, so he could care less about your dining experience.   Shoving his plate aside he throw cash on to the table and you shouts “We’re leaving now!”

Within seconds of returning home he fires off a scathing restaurant review lambasting the food, service and management entitled “AVOID THIS RESTAURANT AT ALL COSTS!!!”

Well guess what?  Chances are I’ve been reading your reviews of restaurants, hotels, or your latest clothing or refrigerator purchase for the last year.  Don’t worry, as a moderator I haven’t been correcting your spelling or grammar, although some of you might want to consider using the grammar and spell check buttons before you push send.  (Seriously.)

What I do however, is read comments and either approve OR reject them based on the client’s guidelines (which vary greatly).  For example, some clients let you list the price of the product under review, while others do not.  Same goes for full or partial names, competitors, shipping or customer service complaints and even something as ubiquitous as “this product sucks!”  Chances are if you start dropping the F-bomb, even if you mask it behind some asterisks as in (F**K) your review is not going to see the light of day.

The ironic thing about this job is, I got it so I could offset the cost of blogging (website design, blog hosting, conferences, etc.)  While the job has contributed to my bottom line it has most definitely contributed to the demise of my writing!

Yeah, I know.  Quit whining.

And what are the other four lame excuses?

2) We got a puppy!  Meet Shiloh (who was once tiny and cute and only 11 pounds) but is now a fifty pound lap dog who (when not properly monitored) enjoys chewing on expensive shoes, sunglasses and even television remotes.  Gah!

It should be noted that Kent and Kinsey (once again) adopted a puppy at Petsmart while I was out of town.  Shiloh is part black lab and part Border Collie and 100% mischief.  Suffice it to say that we have spent a great deal of time trying to burn off her manic energy and cleaning up after her.  In return she has given us unconditional love and sloppy wet kisses.  All in all, a fair trade.

3)  Mother Nature stole my estrogen!  And with it the ability to multi-task, remember things, and apparently string together a sentence longer than three words.  She did however leave in it’s place hot flashes, night sweats and a cranky pants attitude.  (Also, the ridiculous ability to make non-stop excuses about managing one’s time time and creativity.)

4) I suffer from Perfection Paralysis.  Urban Dictionary defines it as the inability to start on a project, assignment, essay or any creative task due to the fear of not getting it perfectly right.  Yes, it stupid, irrational, and a total creativity killer, but it is something that has dogged me my entire life.  Ask my poor father how many times I made him read and correct something as insignificant as a one page high school essay.

You would not believe how many times I have “revised” this blog post in mid-stream.  Throw in my obsessive need to check the dictionary and thesaurus while writing, its no wonder this post has taken more than a month to write.  (OK – 43 days to be exact.)

It’s a good thing I’m not being paid by the word because I would be starving.  Not that I’m being paid at all.  And finally…

5) “Oh look, something shiny!” In other words that time-sucking place called Facebook.  Do I need to elaborate any further?  It’s easy to get sucked in, especially when one is deluding oneself “this” (nattering on in a Seinfeld-esque way) is part of your social media plan.  Except I kind of forgot about the writing part.  (I blame menopause!)

So, yeah, that’s the last 10 months in a nutshell.  Except all the cool things Kinsey has been doing. She of course deserves multiple updates.  I just wanted to say hello and let you know we are all alive and well.  We have had a few other big things going on, but I have nattered on long enough.  Please tell me you’ll forgive me and stick around?


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